I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
