Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈ðŸ˜
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
