I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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