I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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