Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I didn't notice because vodka
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
