well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Life without a bra equals bliss.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
