i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
