You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
