I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
40s are totally the cure
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
