Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
