She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
the day after is always just damage control
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
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