the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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