I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Randomize
