i think i have two assholes
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
