god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
