I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
