Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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