I think I won the penis lottery.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
