I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
