i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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