just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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