No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
