i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
