no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
