You don't have asthma, your pregnant
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
