Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Randomize
