small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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