we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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