I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
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