thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
