The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
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