Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
