The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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