i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
