a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
