Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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