I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
