his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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