The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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