Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
