Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
the liver wants what the liver wants
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
