I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
