I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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