the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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