Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
