I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
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I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
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You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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