whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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