Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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