i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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