saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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