By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
FUCK WHALES
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
