That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
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