6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Dear god my vagina.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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