if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
