i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
