I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Randomize
