Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Randomize
