I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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