I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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