is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
We need to feng shui this bitch.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
