I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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