Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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