this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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