ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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