Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
