I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
