My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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