I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
