just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
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