I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Randomize
