dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I'm passing your future prison.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
