I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
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