woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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