note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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